In vague terms, the reason I haven’t been posting this month is because extreme personal circumstances have kept me more than just a little under the weather. I’ve been struggling a lot with classes and extracurriculars because something else has been on my mind, and it’s finally coming to a resolution, but the past three weeks have been some of the toughest of my life.
That being said, I also spent the past three weeks feeling nothing but absolutely loved by the people who care about me. I’ve come to meet them in different ways, and some of them aren’t on good terms with one another, but they all separately have made it clear to me that they have the capability to love deeply and really show kindness to someone in need. I am all too lucky to have these people around me.
A year ago, I thought I was transferring schools. I felt that the social climate wasn’t right for me–I had made some friends, but overall I felt like I thought too differently from everyone else. I felt like I was too disconnected from those around me and I would never be able to call Allegheny my home. It is almost exactly a year from the day I decided to stay, and this place has become so much more than a home for me. It has become a safe haven. There are people here who kept me from being alone for two days straight in my darker points of this past month. There are people here who sat in my room and listened to me cry and helped me figure out how to pick up the pieces of the terrible situation in which I found myself. There are people here who bring me care packages with blankets and tea and coloring books to get my mind off of things. There are people here who love me more than they probably should and I will never not be thankful for those people.
College is about learning and pushing yourself to be better than you ever thought you could be. It’s about finding interests and exploring them and deciding to give yourself entirely over to them. But it’s also about finding new people who enter your life and your heart and change you for the better. I’m coming to see the importance of that more and more, and I would be remiss if I did not post something in admiration of each of those who showed me the pure love I’ve felt this past month.
Through the intense conversations I’ve had with these friends, I’ve found out so much I didn’t know about them. A friend of mine (a theatre major) told me she was going to go into engineering. Another friend told me that he had never wanted to come to this school–his parents pushed him to make the decision and he’s so grateful they did, even if his choice was kind of taken away. Even talking to professors I found encouragement and understanding that I didn’t feel I deserved. One of my professors reached out and expressed a situation in which she found herself during her freshman year of undergrad that had an effect on her like the one this situation is having on me. Whether or not she meant for it to happen, she made me feel so much less alone.
The people at this school really care, if you give them the chance to. I’m so grateful for them. I’m so happy I stayed.